Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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