Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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