Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Randomize
