You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
