Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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