About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
