Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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