What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
