She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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