Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
