Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
