when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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