dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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