We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize