you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
