I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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