I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
