operation harelip BJ is a go
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize