yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
