she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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