I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize