Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
