Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
