Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize