she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
