we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize