There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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