I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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