There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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