Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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