I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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