If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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