Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
