the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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