Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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