I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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