so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize