my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
