If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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