Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
