I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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