did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
