Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
