Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
