he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
