im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
