Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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