no, he came in my armpit
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
