I have demons in me.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
