1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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