He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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