Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize