guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
