the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
