Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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