Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
