You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
