What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
