She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
