did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
