I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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