new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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