It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
