How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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