apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How does one acquire holy water?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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